I Don't Have Any Problems With God; It's His Fan Club That Pisses Me Off

OK...so here it is: the 21st Century.

We've developed our technology to the point where it is obsolete almost before it is applied. We've cured many diseases, sent a man to the moon, entire libraries of music can now be stored in a digital format on a music player smaller than the size of a pack of cigarettes. A lot of humanity is connected via their cell phone or personal computer to each other. The US Post Office is shitting a pill because no one writes anymore; all they're good for these days is delivering the goods you order on Amazon.com and delivering your tax forms every April

Information is thrown at you from every conceivable source: Cable Television, the Internet, Mainstream Media. Your kids know how to manipulate a mouse at the same age when you were just comfortable looking at a book with pictures with words you couldn't read or watching Mister Rogers.

Mankind has done some pretty incredible things (and some pretty nasty ones as well); but there is one thing most of us have in common. A belief that something greater than ourselves exists somewhere. Whether we call it God, The Universe, Allah, The Supreme Being...there is a belief almost instilled in our genetic make up that there MUST be something superior to ourselves, otherwise how can this all exist? For the purpose of this exercise, let's just to choose to call this being God, OK? (And for the record, in addition to being a Recovering Alcoholic, I'm also a Recovering Catholic)

Now, the God I believe in doesn't sit on a throne somewhere with a long white beard flinging lightning bolts at hapless people (although Martin Luther might have told you otherwise), nor does He talk to people via burning bushes and preaching hell fire and damnation. He doesn't get mad when I eat a rare steak on Friday, nor does he really care if I enjoy Pork Chops or clean my dishes with a certain type of soap because he prefers that particular brand; (although I'm sure he gets a good laugh every time someone uses a blowtorch to purify a catering hall kitchen to make it Kosher. He probably thinks we're wasting fuel, and with the price of fuel these days...)

Jesus doesn't hang out all day in a chair seated right next to Him either; after all, he's too busy burning his image on English Muffins to be sold for an exorbitant amount on eBay. He'd get pretty bored rather quickly (and Eternity *is* a *really* long time) , and probably a really bad case of cosmic hemorrhoids to boot.

So where's Mohammad in all of this...off with a scimitar sparring with Vishnu all day? (Hey...it's good exercise, especially against somebody with more than two arms). Well, we never really knew what he looked like because obviously the guy had a thing against mirrors...or maybe he couldn't sit still long enough for a sketch.

Oh yes, God gets a kick out of this because quite frankly, I firmly believe one very important thing about God:

He doesn't give a shit.

That's right Ladies and Gentlemen, he really doesn't care what you wear (although He probably would tell you to always make sure you have clean underwear on just in case...), what you eat, and is probably really tired of hearing people asking Him all day to save their sorry asses from some situation that they got themselves in. He's probably tired of hearing people ask for money to save their souls, and quite frankly God doesn't like being a member of a Political Party; he's an Independent.

He doesn't start wars, people do. He doesn't build faulty levies, people do. He doesn't cure disease, people do. He does not beset us with plagues, famine, destruction...the planet does that. He probably *does* expect us to find the resources and work together to overcome these things. God is like a "hands off" parent; let's you make your mistakes and move on from there.

In fact, my version of God is even simpler: God is the bus driver.

There's an old joke (just try this one with a friend): A bus starts off from its depot with 25 people heading east. It drops off 5 people and takes on two. It makes a turn, and goes North for about a block, takes on 10 people, and drops of 9. You go on like this for a few minutes, and the person you're telling the joke to is counting, trying to figure out the direction the bus is travelling in, etc. Then, after you think they've had enough...that they've got the answer to this puzzle all figured out...you ask them, "So...what's the name of the bus driver?"

God is a lot like that...He just drives the bus...and we're all on board, each with our own destination. We ring the bell, ask to get off the bus, do our thing, and get back on the bus and go to our next destination. The only thing that remains the same is the driver. The driver doesn't where you are coming from or where you are going...he just drives.

Sometimes, we even reach our stop and decide to stay. Many times, a lot of us have farther to go down the line than others. All God cares about is that we behave nicely on the bus, and you'll eventually reach your stop, because He's a very good driver and considering He still has a lot of time left before he collects his pension, he'll still be working tomorrow.

DING!

Oh...gotta go. This is my stop.