Greetings Fellow Travelers...it's been a while.
I think you can tell from the dates on this blog, it's been a while since I posted...and when I did previously, it was usually sporadic at best. The wheel turns, the universe moves on as it should, and changes and events happen for a reason...although we may not understand their purpose at the time and perhaps never will. If you guessed that some serious stuff has happened in my life in the past few months, congratulations! You've just won the Grand Prize (tell them what they've won, Johnny!). If you guessed incorrectly, we have a year's supply of Creamettes Pasta and the home version of the Apotheosis game for you!
Without getting too much into the nitty gritty, it seems like I had a bit of a drinking problem. Check that...a major drinking problem. Let's just say that up until a few months ago, I used to drink for the United States Drinking Team and the rest of the free world. (My competitive specialties were the 12 to 16 ounce curls, and the Free-Style Vino Biathalon.) Back in March I was unceremoniously shipped off to a detox to get rid of all that nice wine and vallium from my system. After 7 days of shaking, throwing up, passing out in my mashed potatoes at dinner, and copius doses of pharmacuticals (and this was at detox mind you), I was released back into the world.
And scared shitless.
I've been sober since March 27th, and haven't had a drink or drug since then. I attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings on a daily basis. My relationship with my wife is being repaired after years of neglect, and my kids finally have a father in their life, probably for the first time. What's more, I finally feel like a father again. I still have my marraige and family, drivers license, my house and my cars. Like someone told me at an AA meeting one time, I'm lucky that I haven't lost everything like a lot of folks have.
So why do I feel so damned angry and empty?
Is it the fact that the 5th anniversary of 9/11 is coming up and I just want to jump out of my skin? Is it the fact that every day I see innocents being bombed, killed, maimed, and displaced and my government literally encourages it to go on? Is it because supposed Men of God preach hatred and intollerance all the while ignoring the basic tennants of their religion?
Yup.
Like the title says in the post, the blog is rebooting. No, this will not become yet another "recovery blog". You will not hear my voice preaching about "demon alcohol" and how the twelve steps saved my sorry ass. There is a time and a place for that, just not here. Perhaps one day (if it's appropriate) maybe I'll give you a bit more of my story...but there are more important matters to write about.
My posts will still be about what we can do to achieve the Greatness that I believe is the destiny of the Human Race...but I have a determination now that I didn't have before, and a clarity of thought and purpose that was usually drowned in alcohol. Oh, and I promise to update at least 4 times a week, OK?
I have faith and an unshakable belief in not only Humanity, but in myself as well. For as a character on "Babylon 5" once said, "Faith Manages".
I may be an alcoholic, that I cannot change; but I'll be damned if I can't try and change the world, even if only a small part of it. At least I can go to my grave knowing that I spoke out and tried.
Ladies and Gentlemen...I'm back.
